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The Existential Compost

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15th March 2005

Weirdos @ 13:46

Current Grassiness: weird weird

Do you have a weirdo magnet? Do you? Do you know what a weirdo magnet is? Have I just made that phrase up?

Case Study #1

You are sat on a bus. The bus is fairly empty. There are a few double seats free and a few people on the bus travelling with you. The bus stops. A passenger gets on. They could be unkempt, well dressed, dressed as Bozo the Clown or whatever. Of all the seats on the bus they sit next to you.

They then turn to you. Smile. Open their mouth to speak and say "They told me about the parsnips you know"

Your immeadiate reaction is "WTF!" but out of politeness you smile back and answer "Did they?"

You are now at the mercy of the weirdo.

Case Study #2

You are out having a quiet drink with some pals. Midway through the conversation someone comes near. Sits on a seat within earshot. Nothing is said.

Then midway through an indepth conversation about your friends trip to Atlantis the someone says...."I once went to Bognor Regis" unintelligably. You all smile politely and return to your conversation. Alas you are foiled. That smile was a fateful ticket to Interuptsville. "My wife had gout" they continue.

You are at the mercy of the weirdo. There shall be no escape.

Case Study #3

Walking innocently down the street (yeah you know walking....that thing you do with out wheels...radical I know but stay with me). You see someone walking toward you. Well....walking...maybe swaying....swaggering....teetering....how about stumbling? Or even striding....you look to see if you can cross the road. You can't theres too much traffic. The someone is getting closer. They mightnt have seen you. You might be safe.

You arent.

They approach. They look at you.

"All the best and many more" they exclaim in a most threatening manner while waggling a nicoteen stained digit in your general direction

"I want my mum!" you proclaim

Alas. The weirdo has struck. You are at their mercy.


Men. Women. Even children. They come in all genders, ages, social status and ethnicities. Gurbling their weirdness at you. Trapping you with their over friendliness....Why do they home in on you?

I'll tell you....

...come closer.....



BECAUSE YOU HAVE A WEIRDO MAGNET.


That reason...no other. Tis a natural thing. Everyone has one. Some have stronger ones than others. They attract the crazy people. Those poor lost souls of society that noone knows where they come from or go to. That noone knows by name. No other see but their intended victim.

Many have tried to explain their origin. Are they aliens? Angels? Interdimensional beings? Figments of my imagination? No. They are a real thing. They exist on this plain. Universal. Omnipotent. There is but one way to repel such entities. Tis easy. I will tell you....

....a simple glare......and the words "I know. The goat of mendes told me you would say so" uttered in a deep resounding whisper.

Out weird the weirdos.

Now before anyone leaps down my gullet and accuse me of being unfavorable toward people with mental issues. Im not talking about people with mental problems. No. I am talking about your every day down right common garden Weirdo. The sort that when you are working in a shop asks "How many grains of salt are in this bag?". The sort that hovers round said shop at closing time constantly asking pointless questions. The sort that attach themselves to you and your friends simply because you happend to smile at them once. The unshakeable types.



So in the interests of er....."scientific research".........tell me your experiences with such. Alternatively just weird me out by being anonymous and weird....
 
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Comments

 
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From:think4yrself
Date:15th March 2005 05:56 (UTC)
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I am a weirdo magnet! And so is my mum. I think it's hereditary.
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From:stegzy
Date:15th March 2005 07:15 (UTC)
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Hmm...maybe it is...my dad is always attracting weirdos....
From:(Anonymous)
Date:15th March 2005 06:16 (UTC)

Anonymous and weird? Not too hard.

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I have an industrial strength weirdo magnet.

I have dated:
A guy who swore he was a werewolf and just couldn't change, he also claimed to be an energy vampire.
A guy who made out with me in his car and then went home and told his mother about it.
A guy who thought making me cry as often as possible was love, also he felt I spent too much time with my family, and friends. Oh yeah, and that when my house burned down I should reimburse him for the keyboard he brought over, against my wishes, that got toasted.


When I worked I was always inundated with people that:
Were prone to saying things out of the blue like 'I've got the sugar.'
Told me that they came shopping specifically to make themselves feel better by making someone (me) wait on them hand and foot.
Cussed me out because we were sold out of their size jeans.

Do you want more or is that sufficient? :-)
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From:stegzy
Date:15th March 2005 06:24 (UTC)

Re: Anonymous and weird? Not too hard.

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ooh more more more!!! :-D
From:(Anonymous)
Date:15th March 2005 07:42 (UTC)

Re: Anonymous and weird? Not too hard.

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That was supposed to be a rhetorical question. :-)

Random people:
Two or three weeks before my wedding I met a guy who asked me out on a date, after being told that I was getting married, several times. He didn't seem to want to catch the hint, it required my über-blunt mother and my husband to make him realize I was taken.
Was asked out a few times by a guy who bowed, and referred to females as 'milady'. He was surprisingly chivalrous, but definitely a weirdo.
Had to rescue my (then 16 year year old) sister from a drunk transvestite in a prom dress who had dragged her onto his lap.
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From:stegzy
Date:15th March 2005 08:02 (UTC)

Re: Anonymous and weird? Not too hard.

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Yikes looks like you do indeed have an industrial strength weirdo magnet!
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From:think4yrself
Date:15th March 2005 15:49 (UTC)

Sometimes It's Hard to Be a Woman

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All women do... Get it? ;D
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From:tvor
Date:15th March 2005 06:26 (UTC)
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There used to be a local "eccentric". A senior citizen who used to be a concert pianist. He traveled around town on the public bus all day, chatting to people. He wore long heavy winter coats and 3 or 4 scarves, a knitted winter hat and gloves. All year round. But friendly.

He sat beside me on the bus one day. Asked if the book i was reading was a good one. Mumbled something. 6 or 8 months later he sat beside me again on the bus. Asked me... is that the same book you were reading last time?

I've seen him quiet a tired and cranky child on the bus just by leaning in and starting to talk to the little one. He was definitely "local colour" and some people shied away from him as a "weirdo".

He wasn't stupid though he came across like he was mentally challenged. His name was Moses. I wonder if there's a connection. There's a lovely pastel portrait of him in the library in all his woolen finery.
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From:stegzy
Date:15th March 2005 07:09 (UTC)
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Theres a guy like that in Worthing. Or there used to be. He cycled up and down the Promenade shouting weird slogans and being generally weird. He would wear a brightly coloured blazer and a straw hat. His bike adorned with windmills and streamers....

I thought he was quite cool...
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From:lhlou
Date:15th March 2005 09:05 (UTC)
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Here in my city, we have a collection of weirdos. An old woman who walks around begging for money even though she is rich; a guy who strolls up and down the street screaming religious slogans while banging on gutterpipes and shaking litter at passing cars; a man who walks into various stores and sings in the aisles; an old woman who mutters to herself constantly, shoplifts, and asks people if it's day or night out; and many more. There are more than you'd expect for a place this size, a disproportionate number of weirdos. It may be something in the water.
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From:lotusmoppet
Date:15th March 2005 09:10 (UTC)
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Yes - but I think most interesting people are weirdo magnets. "Cool" and "hip" people are boring and only attract others of their kind. Yep - that's what I tell myself. ;)
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From:lhlou
Date:15th March 2005 19:14 (UTC)
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Good point---Interesting people do seem to generate interesting events. I think fun things sort of happen around them.
From:dakotameow
Date:15th March 2005 13:06 (UTC)
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Everytime I complain to my Mother about being a weirdo magnet she says, "Well, birds of a feather do flock together." Thanks, Mum.

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