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15th August 2005

My Trip to Amerrycar @ 15:42

Current Grassiness: mischievous mischievous
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So yesterday I went on a trip to America as organised by Gnomepants Tours ®



Firstly I had to cross the vast lake that is known as Atlantic. To do so I had to board a plane at Blackpool Airport as all the ones in Heathrow had been stolen. The lake looked very big and I saw lots of ships and men in tin baths.



 
There were lots of men in tin baths


The guide told me that it is a popular American pass time to row about in tin baths. We touched down in George Bush International a couple of minutes later and I was then treated to a whistle stop tour of all the major sites.

First off we drove through New York, I dont know what people mean when they say it is a big city it was fairly small. I guess most of it was on holiday, then again I suppose it might have been in for cleaning.



 
New York looked a bit tiny


Driving through the city (taking care not to damage any of the buildings) I was treated to the sights of the Empire State Building




Hey I thought it was bigger! 


I was surprised as I always thought you could see King Kong on the top. Then my guide remided me that he actually fell from the top and was carted away to make doner kebabs. I wanted to see the Statue of Liberty but that was taken down (possibly for refurbishment)




The statue of Liberty


Turning right down Wall Street we headed towards Washington D.C.. I have always wanted to see the White House as I've often wondered how it must be to live in a house like that.



 
Barbara invited me in for a bit of Slapntickle

So we stopped off there and had a pint. George wasnt in, unfortunately, but his wife cooked me a fantastic breakfast. Later we headed off to see that mountain with all the heads in it.



 
Mount Rushmore


I thought this was a bit cruel as those poor people must have been in terrible pain having their heads chopped off. But never mind. We then drove south towards the Grand Canyon.


The Grand Canyon was a bit shit really



I wasnt that impressed with the Grand Canyon. Valhalla in Blackpool is much more fun and you get so much more wetter! Driving over towards the West Coast I was treated to views of the Golden Gate bridge



 
The Golden Gate Bridge looked a bit blue to me


I was amazed at how flat San Francisco is. I always thought it was hilly. Still as these pictures show it is quite flat.




San Francisco


I was also stunned by the amount of tulips there. No doubt they come in handy for those gala evenings! Alcatraz was also a bit disappointing




Alcatraz


Anyway, speeding on we went to Hollywood.








Which I must say looks remarkably familiar, probably because of it appearing in all those movies.

Finally our tour headed back to the airport. I felt really important as we had an armed escort who helped us get to the nearest airport quite quickly. At the airport we hopped on a little plane for a whistle stop tour of Camp Delta on Cuba.



 
Camp Delta Indoor Swimming pool


And the outdoor swimming pool 


I must say that the amenities were very conducive and the inmates seemed to be having lots of fun. Though I didn't see many red coats there.

Unfortunately that is where my tour ended. I am still there. Trying to get home. Unfortunately I am being held against my will by a nice chap in army fatigues. Still the swimming pool is nice and although the camp entertainment is a bit limited to a few games of "Get that Bag on your head" and "How many rifle butts in your chest does it take you to get you to shut up" and despite no shows with Cannon & Ball or Keith Harris and Orville I'm still having fun.




Keith Harris and Orville are not there




Not to worry. They say I can go home tomorrow.
 
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Comments

 
From:mer__girl
Date:15th August 2005 08:07 (UTC)
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You should have come to visit me!

I live by the 2nd biggest mall in the world! :D :D :D
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From:stegzy
Date:15th August 2005 08:11 (UTC)
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Oooh is it like the one in Dawn of the Dead?? (sans zombies).

The malls in Britland are crap.
From:mer__girl
Date:15th August 2005 10:57 (UTC)
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It's actually WAY bigger than that one. People go there to exercise.

I wish I were kidding. ^^

Bloomington, MN is also about to be the home of the Largest Water Park in the World.

Fucking America. ^^;
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From:stegzy
Date:16th August 2005 01:26 (UTC)
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Oooh Water park? As in slides and flumes and water and slides and veruca plasters???

I like them....we have one in the UK somewhere
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From:elephantgiraffe
Date:15th August 2005 08:51 (UTC)
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Most Americans have to wait three months for a presidental wife breakfast. It sure looks tasty.
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From:stegzy
Date:15th August 2005 10:12 (UTC)
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Ooh it was!
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From:celticblissy
Date:15th August 2005 13:21 (UTC)
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Awwwww you never dropped by Missouri to meet my girl. :(
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From:stegzy
Date:16th August 2005 01:24 (UTC)
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Missouri was closed for refurbishment.
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From:violent_purple
Date:15th August 2005 14:23 (UTC)
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That looked a lot more fun than my trip to new York. :(
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From:stegzy
Date:16th August 2005 01:24 (UTC)
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Did you step on the little people too? They make a really sickening crunch....rather like stepping on a mini-shredded wheat.
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From:lotusmoppet
Date:15th August 2005 18:53 (UTC)
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Hee! Yeah, erm - Alcatraz looked a lot different the other day...

By the way - no postcard? *looks hopeful*
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From:stegzy
Date:16th August 2005 01:23 (UTC)
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Post...car...pos...t...car.ds...

erm....
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From:think4yrself
Date:16th August 2005 03:36 (UTC)
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That's an impressive tour, that is! Where are you going to head for next?
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From:stegzy
Date:16th August 2005 03:46 (UTC)
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Oooh I dunno yet....maybe Wakefield.
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From:icemaiden013
Date:1st June 2007 12:18 (UTC)
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LMFAO frickin hilarious!

you should come visit ireland with billzy in the summer! :D
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From:emo_snal
Date:24th March 2010 19:49 (UTC)
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Lol!

There is actually a George Bush International Airport. It's in Texas.

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