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The Existential Compost

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20th February 2016

Isopropyl @ 20:27

While going through most of my life not being completely attentive to people giving me “the signals” and after the revelation that being asked to join someone to “watch Netflix and chill” meant, if I thought about it long enough, I may have missed out on many offers of sex, I’m kind of concerned that I’m still not picking up the signals even my good lady wife, zoefruitcake , may be giving me. So here is a list of possible invitations for sexual congress I may have missed from people both at home and at work.


The cat is in the sink
Put some fizz into my bottle of water
Did the postman come?
Where are my keys?
Can you show me how to change the toner in the photocopier?
It’s cold in here, can you put a fire on?
I’m rather pleased with my TTA this week
Can you help me with a MATCH statement in Excel?
Must you leave your shoes there?


___

Recently I have removed the mobile data function from my phone. It started by accident. I was trying to reduce my mobile phone expenditure and it seems I inadvertently selected a package where mobile data was expensive.

At first I was a bit miffed. I couldn’t check in to places (data usage), I couldn’t check my emails (data usage) and sometimes text messages wouldn’t send (data usage) through imessenger. Gradually though my addiction to data waned and with it, fixation on “non-essential” internettery such as Facebook, Twitter and the like.

I still use them but only when there is wifi or I am sat with my lap or desk top computers. Even my lunchtime iPad usage is limited to a “like” splurge before more important things like reading emails and checking the news.

Do I miss data? No. Not really. I see other people hunched over squinting at their iPads, iPhones and other mobile devices instead of engaging or appreciating their surroundings. I have observed how some people are either really bored with their friends or just ignorant and, in tandem, I have noticed how some norm social convention interactions have become fractured, stilted and simplistic in nature. I fear for the future of humanity.

—-

While also musing over the end times, I also find myself uninterested in prescribed television and ask myself “What kind of person finds this interesting/entertaining?”

Scrolling down the listings on Freesat I noticed Adult Babestation still broadcasts its tame soft “porn” most of the day. Do people tune in and sit watching clothed women pretending to talk on the phone? Yes they’re mostly pretending. I know this because I’ve been into the studios at Red Hot TV where similar goings on take place. Apparently, it “takes off” after midnight but only with really tame stuff. You can probably get more thrills from page 3 or stronger kicks from the likes of xHamster or Porntube. Software aside, would anyone admit to deliberately tuning into other channels like Daystar, Information TV or Clubland TV for more than cursory curiosity?

Of course none of this will make any sense to anyone who doesn't have a TV or live in the UK.


Finally, following on from the Netflix thing a poll:

Poll #2037503 Blue Balls

What do you understand the phrase "Blue Balls" to mean

Blue coloured balls
5(29.4%)
Cold testicles
2(11.8%)
A liquor that tastes of oranges
0(0.0%)
something to do with snooker
0(0.0%)
the sensation of heaviness in the genital area typically experienced by males who have been overly aroused but unrelieved for a long time
4(23.5%)
something to do with donkeys
0(0.0%)
I am allergic to balls
0(0.0%)
I am offended by balls
0(0.0%)
There is no such thing
0(0.0%)
It's a plant
0(0.0%)
It's a trap
3(17.6%)
It's a knockout
0(0.0%)
Something I will explain in comments
1(5.9%)
Something I would love to explain in comments but I am too lazy
1(5.9%)
I'm not really here
1(5.9%)
 
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Comments

 
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From:technophobe1975
Date:20th February 2016 20:33 (UTC)
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In a world where Pornhub and XHamster exist, I do wonder how something like babestation is able to carry on...
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From:stegzy
Date:20th February 2016 21:55 (UTC)
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Exactly. Like you can find better porn in the bushes in the park. Or at least you could 20 years ago...
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From:stainsteelrat
Date:21st February 2016 21:48 (UTC)
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Saw this and thought of you.
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From:zoefruitcake
Date:23rd February 2016 06:52 (UTC)
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hahahahahahahahaha...I'm old
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From:stegzy
Date:23rd February 2016 06:57 (UTC)
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Thanks. My eyes have been opened. Not sure if I can shut them again though...
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From:topum
Date:21st February 2016 23:34 (UTC)
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I switched of mobile data too and it took a week to get accustomed but now there is this sense of freedom between wifis and I like it ).
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From:stegzy
Date:23rd February 2016 06:58 (UTC)
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It's very liberating. I've even found myself leaving my phone at home and not caring.
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From:stainsteelrat
Date:22nd February 2016 12:36 (UTC)
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Re. the poll, no idea, but I'm guessing "the sensation of heaviness in the genital area typically experienced by males who have been overly aroused but unrelieved for a long time".
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From:stegzy
Date:23rd February 2016 07:01 (UTC)
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Yes. You're right. Having gone to an all boys school I've always understood it as a man thing, similar to "Watermelon Balls" but see:-

http://greatist.com/live/blue-balls-for-women?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=daily_newsletter_2016-02-17_mails_daily_new_header
[User Picture Icon]
From:zoefruitcake
Date:23rd February 2016 06:52 (UTC)
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I'd like to make it clear I never need to ask where my keys are
[User Picture Icon]
From:stegzy
Date:23rd February 2016 07:02 (UTC)
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**smug porn star nod and wink to readers**

The Existential Compost

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