?

Log in

The Existential Compost

Livejournal Flavour


7th December 2016

Everyday? @ 07:17

Tags:

Do you really wish it was Christmas every day?

Personally, I can't think of a worse kind of hell.

a) Food

no title With nothing but prawn cocktail, roast dinner and decadent luxurious pudding to eat and mountains of chocolate and luxurious comestibles to dine on, no doubt we would become rotund within no time putting our health at risk and making us hideously overweight, prone to diabetes and heart disease. Furthermore, the copious amounts of booze we would imbibe would no doubt result in some sort of liver failure or sclerosis. Within a month of Christmases, we would be in pain induced by constipation, gall and kidney stones and the agony of a dying liver.


b) Lack of shops

Don't be thinking, well that's ok, I'll just nip to the corner shop and stock up on their goods. This would be fine for a while until they run out of stock (no deliveries), but I challenge anyone to remain alive and healthy after a month of Ginster’s pasties, Frey Bentos pies and Happy Shopper digestives. Not only that, I imagine many would eventually get pissed off with receiving Blue Hallmark label CDs, water pistols and boxes of stale Matchmakers as presents.

c) Deliveries

With most intercontinental trade and passenger routes into and out of the UK on minimal, eventually, imports would dry up. Many truck drivers would be unable to deliver goods and warehouses filled with food and other goods would just fill with dust and rodents as pick and pack staff would be off work.

d) Snow

3sprouts.pngEveryone wants a perfect Christmas and of course what would be more perfect than a white Christmas. If it snows it's cold and if the council gritters and workers are off work because it's Christmas, there would be nobody to clear the mountains of snow as they build up over eternal Christmases. With everyone burning fuel to keep warm because of the snow and subsisting on diets of sprouts, protein and cabbage, greenhouse gases would plume, eventually causing a runaway greenhouse effect. However, this assumes that people's homes are powered by natural gas automatically pumped in from the North Sea and Russia and electricity provided by nuclear and renewable sources. Those people energy dependent on fossil fuels like oil and coal would eventually reach a point where, due to a lack of miners and oil rig workers, fuel would run out.



e) Eventual economic collapse

With only corner shops, some pubs and 24hr garages remaining open, people unable to get to work because of close down and an indefinite period of non-work, eventually funds would dry up. The wealthy would be the corner shop and mini-mart owners and those rostered to work over the festive period. The poor would be those who initially ignorantly strive to maintain the enforced period of consumerism. Even then, as their money dries up because of banks being closed, the economy would eventually start to collapse. Overworked medical workers would struggle to cope with the continuing growth of people with obesity-related health issues, riots would begin and an overworked skeleton staff of police and military would struggle to maintain order.

So no…I don’t wish it was Christmas every day…SaveSave
 
Share  |  |

Comments

 
[User Picture Icon]
From:fj_warren
Date:7th December 2016 09:18 (UTC)
(Link)
I love your 'run-up-to-Christmas' rants. You take an idea and run with it until all the tread has disappeared from your Nikes! It's great as you logically work your way through the imminent disaster scenarios.

Something similar happened to me many moons ago when Sproglet was a toddler. Just after Christmas it snowed and snowed. Mr W was called in to work and, after a few problems, he managed to get there . . . but he couldn't get back! We were going to do our monthly shop on the day it snowed so I was, technically, stuffed! No coal for the Cornish Range and not a lot of food for us and no food for the animals - wild and domestic. The telephone company cut off the telephone so you had emergency calls only as all and sundry were ringing each other and blocking up the lines (I'm talking pre-mobile days here) and then the electric was cut off because of all the snow damage! I improvised and fed the goat, the chickens, the cats, the dog, the wild birds, myself and Sproglet. I also managed to find food for the neighbours and their kids! All the thermos flasks got used as I could only have a fire for about an hour a day as I had to forage wood (not easy in a snow covered landscape) during which time I cooked a hot meal and boiled kettle after kettle of hot water (thermos flasks, hot water bottles and hot drinks)! To be honest it was really hard work but, in a masochistic way, I enjoyed it - Sproglet did not! Probably because there was no television!

Keep ranting - I love it!
[User Picture Icon]
From:stegzy
Date:7th December 2016 19:14 (UTC)
(Link)
Thank you :)

I hope the flasks were tartan ones!
[User Picture Icon]
From:novemberbug
Date:7th December 2016 10:00 (UTC)
(Link)
I used to work in a corner shop but it didn't open Christmas Day or New Year's Day. People went slightly mental on Boxing Day - the queues would be 12 deep from about 10am to 1:30pm, just because people were desperate to get out of the house after being stuck in with the family they avoid the rest of the year because they don't get on.
[User Picture Icon]
From:fj_warren
Date:7th December 2016 10:27 (UTC)
(Link)
Lol! Love this and so very true. After many years I refuse to let any member of my extended family cross the threshold on Christmas Day! Experience is such a good teacher.
[User Picture Icon]
From:stegzy
Date:7th December 2016 19:11 (UTC)
(Link)
I feel your pain. I worked in an off licence in my formative years and drew the short Boxing Day straw. It was manic and seemed like everyone within a 10 mile radius had simultaneously run out of booze, cigarettes and crisps...
[User Picture Icon]
From:zoefruitcake
Date:7th December 2016 13:24 (UTC)
(Link)
I wouldn't last very long if it was Christmas every day as I'd top myself
Bah humbug
[User Picture Icon]
From:stegzy
Date:7th December 2016 19:09 (UTC)

I'd top myself

(Link)
With whipped cream and hundreds and thousands? :)
[User Picture Icon]
From:zoefruitcake
Date:7th December 2016 19:11 (UTC)

Re: I'd top myself

(Link)
Only if it is dairy free

The Existential Compost

Livejournal Flavour