Stegzonopolis Gnomicpantalon (stegzy) wrote,
Stegzonopolis Gnomicpantalon

Fifthly:- A whinge about the current state of the British Music Industry

It is fairly obvious that you can't buy talent 2 for 1 at Asda (Walmart). It is also fairly obvious that being original these days only gets you to your front door and rarely to the end of your street. (If you know what I mean. If you dont just say... please!!).

There is an increasing trend of late for talentless people to do "covers" of popular songs instead of their own original stuff. This disturbs me greatly! Talented people have no chance while these tyrants of cheap pop wiggle their botoxed arses and tits on telly for all to see while singing the latest break beat version of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" then go off to their equally talentless airhead actor/ress's paaaaaaartey, get totally shitfaced, make complete knobs of themselves in front of the camera and then go to some secret press free location to sacrifice virgins to the Goat of Mendes and snort an African countries GDP in cocaine up their noses....

Yet in the UK there are thousands of undiscovered bands with talent [yeah yeah there are twice as many undiscovered talentless cretins too but hey this is my rant and Im on one today so there]. A prime example is A Million Pieces. Talented, amazing musicians yet no recording contracts. No airplay. Thus noone has heard of them. (and there are similar bands in the US...Unisex Salon is a prime example you lucky New Yorkers!)

"Thank Artichokes for the Internet" I used to proclaim upon discovery of Peoplesound
"Turn that fucking shit off" angelhands would say
Sadly there appears to be a conspiracy in the air as Peoplesound are no longer as good as they used to be and now favour bands of a lesser quality and tend to be more commercial. (yeah Im aware of other alternatives out there)

So whats started me off on this diatribe I hear you think.....well 3 things.....

1. The crappy "Hungry Eyes" (from Dirty Dancing soundtrack) cover [ooh lets put a shitty bumbumbum beat and turn the speed up a little bit kids'll love it]
2. "Do they Know its Christmas" Bandaid 20 [WTF is that for? oooh buy our record....oooh oooh people are hungry and need your money. Well Mr Geldoff why not donate some of your vast fortune then? Or ask your buddy Bono to have a sponsored silence for a year instead. Or get the King and Queen of Chav, David and Victoria Beckham to donate some of the millions they have instead of buying cocaine to hoover up their fat talentless snouts. Most of the starving in Africa are Islamic anyway surely "Do They Know Its Ramadan" would be more politically correct besides the last thing on their mind is "ooh wheres me christmas tree" the first thing on their mind is "Where am I going to get some food for my family"]
3. "I'll Stand by You" performed by Girls Aloud (Girls Aloud are a group of talentless botoxed bimbos that couldnt win a talent competition (this is true, they didn't). [Well if you stand anywhere near me I'll tell you personally how talentless you are girls!]

So in the tradition of my Journal....I am going to launch myself as a talentless pop star. (I like to think of myself as a talented singer but Im willing to sing totally out of key and have my willy botoxed in the name of desperation fame). Any songs you think I could murder perform well just tell me here and I'll consider it.

Look for a post featuring an MP3 of me singing in the future......
Tags: classic, rants, whinge

  • Grapes

    Spring flowers are blossoming everywhere lately. The Camilia at the front of Gnomepants Manor is a shock of pink and looks very pretty. Furthermore,…

  • Twatter

    Inspired by my last post here are some works of literature in 140 characters or less. King Solomon's Mines - A map? Lets go. Here we are. Oooh look…

  • Rant - a therealljidol post

    It's been a long while since I've had a rant. I'm a lot calmer these days what with not being in an awful job and the accumulative effect of the…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.