Stegzonopolis Gnomicpantalon (stegzy) wrote,
Stegzonopolis Gnomicpantalon

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Do you have a weirdo magnet? Do you? Do you know what a weirdo magnet is? Have I just made that phrase up?

Case Study #1

You are sat on a bus. The bus is fairly empty. There are a few double seats free and a few people on the bus travelling with you. The bus stops. A passenger gets on. They could be unkempt, well dressed, dressed as Bozo the Clown or whatever. Of all the seats on the bus they sit next to you.

They then turn to you. Smile. Open their mouth to speak and say "They told me about the parsnips you know"

Your immeadiate reaction is "WTF!" but out of politeness you smile back and answer "Did they?"

You are now at the mercy of the weirdo.

Case Study #2

You are out having a quiet drink with some pals. Midway through the conversation someone comes near. Sits on a seat within earshot. Nothing is said.

Then midway through an indepth conversation about your friends trip to Atlantis the someone says...."I once went to Bognor Regis" unintelligably. You all smile politely and return to your conversation. Alas you are foiled. That smile was a fateful ticket to Interuptsville. "My wife had gout" they continue.

You are at the mercy of the weirdo. There shall be no escape.

Case Study #3

Walking innocently down the street (yeah you know walking....that thing you do with out wheels...radical I know but stay with me). You see someone walking toward you. Well....walking...maybe about stumbling? Or even look to see if you can cross the road. You can't theres too much traffic. The someone is getting closer. They mightnt have seen you. You might be safe.

You arent.

They approach. They look at you.

"All the best and many more" they exclaim in a most threatening manner while waggling a nicoteen stained digit in your general direction

"I want my mum!" you proclaim

Alas. The weirdo has struck. You are at their mercy.

Men. Women. Even children. They come in all genders, ages, social status and ethnicities. Gurbling their weirdness at you. Trapping you with their over friendliness....Why do they home in on you?

I'll tell you....

...come closer.....


That other. Tis a natural thing. Everyone has one. Some have stronger ones than others. They attract the crazy people. Those poor lost souls of society that noone knows where they come from or go to. That noone knows by name. No other see but their intended victim.

Many have tried to explain their origin. Are they aliens? Angels? Interdimensional beings? Figments of my imagination? No. They are a real thing. They exist on this plain. Universal. Omnipotent. There is but one way to repel such entities. Tis easy. I will tell you....

....a simple glare......and the words "I know. The goat of mendes told me you would say so" uttered in a deep resounding whisper.

Out weird the weirdos.

Now before anyone leaps down my gullet and accuse me of being unfavorable toward people with mental issues. Im not talking about people with mental problems. No. I am talking about your every day down right common garden Weirdo. The sort that when you are working in a shop asks "How many grains of salt are in this bag?". The sort that hovers round said shop at closing time constantly asking pointless questions. The sort that attach themselves to you and your friends simply because you happend to smile at them once. The unshakeable types.

So in the interests of er....."scientific research".........tell me your experiences with such. Alternatively just weird me out by being anonymous and weird....
Tags: classic, rants, strange-people, weirdos
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