Stegzonopolis Gnomicpantalon (stegzy) wrote,
Stegzonopolis Gnomicpantalon
stegzy

The Dangers of....part 2

Following on from Friday

thedabara-Pluto (the not-a-planet)

Pluto should be banned. It is far too dangerous. For one its orbit is erratic and its gravitational pull might disturb an object in the Oort cloud, and for two, its far too cold and might be mistaken for a giant scoop of icecream. Imagine the damage to a poor childs lips one lick of a Pluto cornet would do. Not to mention the terrible gravitational disturbances caused by bringing it closer to the sun. No....Pluto is far too dangerous and should be banned now.

Until such time, a fleet of space probes should be sent to Pluto with the warnings

MAY CAUSE FROST BITE
NOT AN ICECREAM
CAUTION: UNSTABLE ORBIT.



melcena & think4yrself - Slippers (Fluffy and non-fluffy)

Oh I bet everyone thinks slippers are harmless. Well they arent. Knowledge of their dangers have been well known for some time now as this web site shows. Slippers have also been known to cause road accidents by drivers (most notably women) driving to the shop in their 4x4 while wearing slippers (though this may be a Liverpool phenomenon similar to pjyama wearing in public). Slippers are not sensible shoes. Let noone tell you otherwise. Even Ken at work agrees slippers should be banned as "They are just too naff". They have also been known to cause people to hurt their back and falling in slippers can lead to depression and loss of confidence.

Therefore please check that your slippers have the following warnings clearly displayed

WARNING MAY CAUSE DEPRESSION
CAUTION: SLIPPERS ARE NOT FOOD
WHEN OPERATING MACHINERY WEAR SENSIBLE SHOES NOT SLIPPERS
MAY CAUSE SEVERE BACK PAIN



eldyn- Fluffy bunny

Fluffy bunnys are highly dangerous. Tufts of fluff often come detached and can clog up vacuum cleaners. Indeed their innocent appearance belies their real danger. Fluffy bunnies are vicious killers of old grannies often using piano wire which they keep hidden in their fluff. Bunnys have also been known to cause choking. A delicacy in parts of Europe, bunnies add flavour to any paella and also taste nice with good quality potatos and fresh veg. However if not skinned properly the little bastards can cause choking due to the fluff clogging up airways.

Therefore fluffy bunnies should come with the following warnings

MAY CAUSE CHOKING
ROAST AT 190 °C FOR 90 MINUTES
BEST SERVED WITH FRESH VEG.
MAY KILL GRANNIES.



ladybug1962 - Marshmallows

Little Jonnie enjoyed a good marshmallow. He was a happy, carefree, innocent child with much promise. That was until the day his life was ruined by a marshmallow. Little Jonnie was out playing on a toxic waste dump, like all good children do, which happend to be near a railway line and a deep pond. When he realised his mistake in a disguarded pillow from an acetone soaked bed for a giant vinegary marshmallow, Jonnie ran all the way home across the railway line and past the deep pond with the tangle weeds where upon he was beset upon by a horde of rampaging fluffy slipper wearing bunnys. The poor child is now in psychiatric care.

Marshmallows should be labelled with the following:-

NOT A PILLOW
WARNING MAY CAUSE CONFUSION BETWEEN PILLOWS
MAY ROT TEETH
MAY CAUSE ATTACKS BY RABBITS



So let them be a warning to you. Tell your pals. Nothing is safe. Not even this entry


WARNING: THIS ENTRY MAY CONTAIN LIES AND FABRICATIONS OF AN UNSETTLED MIND AND SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN AS TRUTH. MAY CAUSE DAMPNESS IN TROUSERS. BEST BEFORE END 2043
Tags: classic, health, humour, poll-results, safety
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