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The Existential Compost

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17th September 2008

therealljidol - Intro Post @ 15:30


Long ago. Well...maybe not that long ago. More like 34 years ago. But for the purpose of creating a dramatic atmosphere I'll say long ago. Anyway, long ago (back in the woolly wilds of the 1970s) in a galaxy far far away. Again this is a bit of an exaggeration, it was actually closer than that. More like here. This galaxy. I came to this planet in the same way as most of us do (though I believe there are some exceptions) by departing the mother ship (though my mum would probably berate me for calling her a ship). Since then I've had all manner of adventures, battling giant robots, fighting the evils of marmite and parsnips, rubbing porridge onto parts best left unimagined and telling tall tales to bewildered people who question "Did he really do that?" and "How much of that was made up?".



But at the core of these fanciful tales remained a truth. A bold and brazen truth. That of me. Stegzy Gnomepants. Some say I am the imaginings of a deranged criminal mastermind, others (including those who have met me) a tall fair haired thirty something using a name like Cher, or Bono, or The Edge in an effort to preserve some anonymity. Of course there are also those that say I don't exist, that I am Lord Lucan or some ancient Atlantean God. Foolish people.

So about me. Well as I say. I am Stegzy Gnomepants. I am 35ish and I live in a small back water town in the North of England. This town is called Barnsley. Originally I am from Atlantis Liverpool which is in the North West of England. You might remember Liverpool as being the home of the Beatles, Ghengis Khan and Elvis Presley but then again you might not. Regardless, Liverpool is my home town. But, as the fates would have it, circumstances change and in 2006 I gave up a life of Riley as a Computer Helpdesk Operator in a vibrant and exciting British city and I was forced willingly relocated to Barnsley.

However, with jobs not being worth very much in this neck of the woods and the shock of relocation giving me a wake up call, I realised that I needed to actually do something with my life rather than sit round dishing out cod computer advice and changing passwords for people all day. So I took it upon myself to remove myself from the jobs market and undertake a degree in Journalism and Media. Which is what I do now.

But what about the other bits? Well....I used to hate my job; I don't like living in Barnsley; I like creating and taking part in polls; I extol the virtues of local and independently produced food; I am a man; I write long long long posts; I write short posts; I waffle; I like crap 1960's British Sci-Fi; I go off on tangents; I spell things wrong and I frequently use incorrect punctuation; I am tall; I wear shirts; I can balance a spoon on my nose; I once sailed the Pacific in a teaspoon.

Yeah well most of that is true.
 
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Comments

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From:brightflashes
Date:17th September 2008 14:43 (UTC)
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LOVE this post hehe. : )
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From:stegzy
Date:17th September 2008 16:07 (UTC)
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Thank you :-)

**curtsies**
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From:zoefruitcake
Date:17th September 2008 14:46 (UTC)
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It's true...you do wear shirts
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From:stegzy
Date:17th September 2008 16:08 (UTC)
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Ah ha! Fooled you! I actually wear blouses (but only on Sunday)
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From:ewok_626
Date:17th September 2008 15:03 (UTC)
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I have family in Norwich. My grandmother was born and raised there, met my grandfather during WWII, fell in love, moved to the States and married him. And I came along like 50 years later. *g*

I have yet to be to England, although my parents were just there in May. I hope to make it there within the next few years.

Welcome to Idol!
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From:stegzy
Date:17th September 2008 16:11 (UTC)
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Thank you! :-)

Norwich is quite a way from me. Think the nearest I've gotten to the place was when I had to take a detour from the A1 some years back. I've wanted to go for ages.

Curiously I've never been to the States. I've never been that much of a swimmer and I'm yet to find a bridge that'd get me there.
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From:stainsteelrat
Date:17th September 2008 15:13 (UTC)
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dishing out cod computer advice

Cod are not very appreciative when it comes to computer advice, the blighters. Delicious with chips though.

(Interesting resume post as well! I guess we all need to do one of these every now and then)
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From:stegzy
Date:17th September 2008 16:12 (UTC)
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Cod are ungrateful in general. If it was up to me I'd give them all a good battering.
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From:rosepurr
Date:17th September 2008 15:18 (UTC)
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Intriguing! I'm interesting in reading more from you.
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From:stegzy
Date:17th September 2008 16:13 (UTC)
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Thankyou :-) Watch this space as they say.
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From:stegzy
Date:17th September 2008 16:16 (UTC)
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I've often mused about the past 34 years. I remember thinking when I was a wee nipper how by the year 2000 (which seemed like forever away) we would all be flying round in sky cars and going on holiday to the moon dressed in our skin tight silver costumes.

Alas my car, no matter how high up I turn the aircon doesn't fly and I'm yet to see any Lunar holiday packages but at least I'm the height of fashion with my skin tight all in one silver leotard.

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From:littlelessevil
Date:17th September 2008 16:04 (UTC)
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I adore you. I really do. Don't know you from Adam, but I adore you.
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From:stegzy
Date:17th September 2008 16:18 (UTC)
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Ooh I'm honoured. But remember to get planning permission first before erecting any temples.
From:cujosmurf
Date:17th September 2008 16:32 (UTC)
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I spotted the lie!! You said in your post that you were a man, but you admitted to me yesterday that you are actually now a lady named Stephanie. :D
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From:stegzy
Date:17th September 2008 16:45 (UTC)
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Shush now (I'm only Stephanie on Tuesdays)
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From:fj_warren
Date:17th September 2008 16:58 (UTC)
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Reading your posts is like having a bath in melted chocolate! :) Warm, smooth, tickles interesting places and ends up filling all those parts your mother told to wash with particular care ... like your ears! Lovely post! It has restored my faith in aliens! :)
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From:stegzy
Date:17th September 2008 17:01 (UTC)
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All very well and good but think of the towels!
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From:walkertxkitty
Date:17th September 2008 17:14 (UTC)
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You seem like such an interesting person. I loved this post and I'm looking forward to seeing more from you.
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From:stegzy
Date:18th September 2008 09:46 (UTC)
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Thankyou :-)
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From:louenn
Date:17th September 2008 17:55 (UTC)
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You should do the thebrenljidol rather than that one - there's rumours of it all being about the personalities than the writing in therealljidol hence the start of the bren one.
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From:stegzy
Date:18th September 2008 09:48 (UTC)
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I thought about the bren too. But I don't think I've got time to do two compos. I'll see how I do ;-)
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From:gillyg
Date:17th September 2008 18:03 (UTC)
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Brilliant post!
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From:stegzy
Date:18th September 2008 09:48 (UTC)
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Ta
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From:shao_ireous
Date:17th September 2008 18:56 (UTC)
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Oh my gosh. Porridge.

Porridge.

I also wear shirts! We are perfect Internet buddies. *nods nods*
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From:stegzy
Date:18th September 2008 09:48 (UTC)
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Shirts are the future. None of this smock malarky.
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From:kingdavey
Date:17th September 2008 21:35 (UTC)
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I know for a fact you aren't Lord Lucan, I'm Lord Lucan
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From:stegzy
Date:18th September 2008 09:49 (UTC)
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No I'm Spartacus Lord Lucan.
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From:monkeysugarmama
Date:18th September 2008 04:05 (UTC)
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Crack me up!
That was a fascinating - and quite intricate - intro!

I want to try one of those Welsh booze bricks now:)
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From:stegzy
Date:18th September 2008 09:52 (UTC)
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Welsh booze bricks ftw! :-D

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