It's been years since I did an International Fib Day. Ok I did a poll last year and the day has moved around more than a cigarette lighter in a washing machine but I think it is time for one today.
In reaction to something on the telly the other night, zoefruitcake asked if I thought the moon landings were real. My shortened reply was "yet to be convinced". You see the way I see it is that ever since like wayyy before the second world war, whoever has been in administration in Washington over the years has enjoyed telling big fibs. And, as my mother always told me, if you tell lies eventually nobody will believe you.
The longer version might have gone something like this. Sorry if this upsets anyone.
"There's gold in them hills" - nope...if there was its all gone now, but now you're on the Western Sea board, you might as well stay and populate the area yeah?
"The Japs did it first so we hit back" - If you poke a stick at a nest of hornets, don't be surprised if you get stung.
"They're probably commies" - Just because you like to share bags of sweets with people doesn't necessarily make you a "commie", besides, what's wrong with sharing the wealth as long as
everyone does the same amount of work? Isn't that what social security is?
"We decoded the enemy's codes because we pinched something off a submarine" - No you didn't, it was the Brits. All you did was make a film about it. With actors.
"Aliens aliens aliens" - A documentary I saw this week suggested that there was more evidence to prove that the suggestion of alien abduction, UFOs and cattle mutilations was actually a smoke screen used by black operations run by the military so they could get away with doing all manner of odd shit and get it put down as the ramblings of some weird hick. It was quite a compelling argument. Especially when the documentary was followed by Fourth Kind
"Them damned Eyerakkies have WMDs and have been giving them to the Tally Bahn in Afghanistan" - Have they really? Is WMD a code word for oil? Or natural mineral resources?
"The spill is the worst ever" - Tell that to the Nigerians yeah?
"Elvis is dead" - yeah? Then who's that working in my local chippy?
"Jackson is dead" - Yeah? The who's that lurking round the local kiddies school?
"This specially ionised water is healthier than ordinary water" - ding ding...hear that? That's the sound of my other leg.
Anyway, you get the idea. So it comes as no surprise that unless I can see the proof for myself, I'm not going to believe a word that comes out of the mouths of certain Western governments. You know like go to the moon myself and see the foot prints and "Neil wuz 'ere" written on a rock. After all I've seen Capricorn One. I remain...unconvinced. Has man been to the moon? Maybe they have, maybe they haven't. Think about it, how implausible is sticking 3 men onto the back of a stick of explosives, shooting them into the sky to travel through an airless vaccuum, land on a ball of cheese and send back some grainy holiday snaps before bringing them all the way back again. What ever next?
But as we are all human, it comes as no surprise that we all, at some point, tell fibs. Even if we are governments or just the little people. Its fun to fib. It's fun to spin yarns. And the point of International Fibs Day is to tell me the most outrageous fib you can possibly fib all guilt and conscience trouble free.
You may do so in comments.