Stegzonopolis Gnomicpantalon (stegzy) wrote,
Stegzonopolis Gnomicpantalon
stegzy

Everyday?

Do you really wish it was Christmas every day?

Personally, I can't think of a worse kind of hell.

a) Food

no title With nothing but prawn cocktail, roast dinner and decadent luxurious pudding to eat and mountains of chocolate and luxurious comestibles to dine on, no doubt we would become rotund within no time putting our health at risk and making us hideously overweight, prone to diabetes and heart disease. Furthermore, the copious amounts of booze we would imbibe would no doubt result in some sort of liver failure or sclerosis. Within a month of Christmases, we would be in pain induced by constipation, gall and kidney stones and the agony of a dying liver.


b) Lack of shops

Don't be thinking, well that's ok, I'll just nip to the corner shop and stock up on their goods. This would be fine for a while until they run out of stock (no deliveries), but I challenge anyone to remain alive and healthy after a month of Ginster’s pasties, Frey Bentos pies and Happy Shopper digestives. Not only that, I imagine many would eventually get pissed off with receiving Blue Hallmark label CDs, water pistols and boxes of stale Matchmakers as presents.

c) Deliveries

With most intercontinental trade and passenger routes into and out of the UK on minimal, eventually, imports would dry up. Many truck drivers would be unable to deliver goods and warehouses filled with food and other goods would just fill with dust and rodents as pick and pack staff would be off work.

d) Snow

3sprouts.pngEveryone wants a perfect Christmas and of course what would be more perfect than a white Christmas. If it snows it's cold and if the council gritters and workers are off work because it's Christmas, there would be nobody to clear the mountains of snow as they build up over eternal Christmases. With everyone burning fuel to keep warm because of the snow and subsisting on diets of sprouts, protein and cabbage, greenhouse gases would plume, eventually causing a runaway greenhouse effect. However, this assumes that people's homes are powered by natural gas automatically pumped in from the North Sea and Russia and electricity provided by nuclear and renewable sources. Those people energy dependent on fossil fuels like oil and coal would eventually reach a point where, due to a lack of miners and oil rig workers, fuel would run out.



e) Eventual economic collapse

With only corner shops, some pubs and 24hr garages remaining open, people unable to get to work because of close down and an indefinite period of non-work, eventually funds would dry up. The wealthy would be the corner shop and mini-mart owners and those rostered to work over the festive period. The poor would be those who initially ignorantly strive to maintain the enforced period of consumerism. Even then, as their money dries up because of banks being closed, the economy would eventually start to collapse. Overworked medical workers would struggle to cope with the continuing growth of people with obesity-related health issues, riots would begin and an overworked skeleton staff of police and military would struggle to maintain order.

So no…I don’t wish it was Christmas every day…SaveSave
Tags: christmas
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